YAY blog!

Posted: May 27, 2008 in Uncategorized
aww.. look.. parts of my blog are still here…

i should make a new one

I add all kinds of people to my msn all the time from the online dating world…. what this means is a get a stupid amount of the typical old email forwards we have all seen a hundred times…. I’ve been online since 1996.. I’ve had a webpage since then… i couldnt tell you how many times i’ve read the Bill gates is closing msn… or icq… or whatever it was at the time threads…. Or Forward this and get 1000$ .. Or This child is missing forward the picture or your heartless….
 
Just to clarify folks…. in ALL my years of being online… i have not had ONE not ONE forward sent to me that was an actual "true" picture, story, or warning that needed to be sent…. EVER!
 
If you find your getting these emails.. feel free to copy, paste, and send them my following favorite email forward…
 

For SOME reason… people on the internet STILL do not know how to sort the CRAP from the Amusingly Funny Letters….. for those people that constantly send you crap wasting bandwith… I bring you this….  Please feel free to distribute to those annoying people you know.. :)

———————————————————————-

Hello, my name is Basmati Kasaar. I am suffering from rare and deadly diseases, poor scores on final exams, extreme virginity, fear of being kidnapped, executed by anal electrocution, and guilt for not forwarding out 50 billion fucking chain letters sent to me by people who actually believe that if you send them on, then that poor 6 year old girl in Arkansas with a breast on her forehead will be able to raise enough money to have it removed before her redneck parents sell her off to the travelling freak show.

Do you honestly believe that Bill Gates/Intel/AOL/Gap/Disney/ Nokia is going to give you and everyone you send the email to $1000? How stupid are you? In order for this ‘tracking of email forwards’ to be possible……

All internet email, no matter what the starting and finishing points, would have to pass through (or at least be registered at) a central point.

The Internet is not built around a central computer: there’s no  ‘centre of the net’ which everything has to pass through. There can be no way to count how many times a message has moved from one person to another because there’s no collection-point for all the information/emails that get sent around the net. THIS IS THE WHOLE POINT OF THE INTERNET!!! 

No company on this planet is going to give away anything beyond a 25 cent coupon for free!!  Ooooh, lookyhere! If I scroll down this page and make a wish, I’ll get laid by every Playboy model in the magazine!

So basically, this message is a big FUCK YOU to all the people out there who have nothing better to do than to send me stupid chain mail forwards. Maybe the evil chain letter leprechauns will come into my apartment and cut my tounge out in my sleep for not continuing the chain which was started by Jesus in 5 A.D. and was brought to this country by midget pilgrims on the Mayflower and if it makes it to the year 2000, it’ll be in the Guinness Book of World Records for longest continuous streak of blatant stupidity.

Fuck them.

If you’re going to forward something, at least send me something mildly amusing. I’ve seen all the "send this to 50 of your closest friends,and my lost dog in the CN Tower will somehow receive a nickel from some one-eyed dog loving billionaire in California " forwards about 90 times. I don’t fucking care. Show a little intelligence and think about what you’re actually contributing to by sending out forwards. Not are you only wasting space in my email box and the internet in general, your putting yours, mine and 50 of your closest friends names on a SPAM list. You know spam, the "Buy Viagra here" and "You’ve Won a Free Vacation!!" and "University Diplomas" emails you receieve from people you dont know. Spammers(The people who create these lists) get email address to send their adventisements to FROM EMAIL FORWARDS!!!  Please think a little…. or at LEAST cut off all the other email address!!

THE FOUR BASIC TYPES OF CHAIN LETTERS: 

All crap I NEVER want to see in my Inbox again!!!

—————– Chain Letter Type 1: ———————

(scroll down)

Make a wish!!!

No, really, go on and make one!!!

Oh please, they’ll never go out with you!!! Wish something else!!!

Is your finger getting tired yet?

STOP!!!!

Wasn’t that fun? :)

Hope you made a great wish :)

Now, to make you feel guilty, here’s what I’ll do.
First of all, if you don’t send this to 5096 people in the next 5 seconds, you will be raped by a mad goat and thrown off a high building into a pile of manure. It’s true! Because, THIS letter isn’t like all of those fake ones, THIS one is TRUE!!

Really!!!

Here’s how it goes:
Send this to 1 person: One person will be pissed off at you for sending them a stupid chain letter.

Send this to 2-5 people: 2-5 people will be pissed off at you for sending them a stupid chain letter.

Send this to 5-10 people: 5-10 people will be pissed off at you for sending them a stupid chain letter, and may form a plot on your life.

Send this to 10-20 people: 10-20 people will be pissed off at you for sending them a stupid chain letter and will firebomb your house.

Thanks!!!! Good Luck!!!

——————————-Chain Letter Type 2

Hello, and thank you for reading this letter. You see, there is a starving little boy in Baklaliviatatlaglooshen who has no arms, no legs, no parents, and no goats. This little boy’s life could be saved, because for every time you pass this on, a dollar will be donated to the Little Starving Legless Armless Goatless Boy from Baklaliviatatlaglooshen Fund. Oh, and remember, we have absolutely no way of counting the emails sent and this is all a complete load of bullshit. So go on, reach out. Send this to 5 people in the next 47 seconds.

Oh, and a reminder – if you accidentally send this to 4 or 6 people, you will die instantly. Thanks again!!

——————————–Chain Letter Type 3

Hi there!! This chain letter has been in existence since 1897. This is absolutely incredible because there was no email then and probably not as many sad pricks with nothing better to do. So this is how it works:

Pass this on to 15,067 people in the next 7 minutes or something horrible will happen to you like:

*Bizarre Horror Story #1
Miranda Pinsley was walking home from school on Saturday. She had recently recieved this letter and ignored it. She then tripped in a crack in the sidewalk, fell into the sewer, was gushed down a drainpipe in a flood of poopie, and went flying out over a waterfall. Not only did she smell nasty, she died. This Could Happen To You!!!

*Bizarre Horror Story #2
Dexter Bip, a 13 year old boy, got a chain letter in his mail and ignored it. Later that day, he was hit by a car and so was his boyfriend (hey, some people swing that way) They both died and went to hell and were cursed to eat adorable kittens every day for eternity. This Could Happen To You Too!!!

Remember, you could end up just like Pinsley and Bip. Just send this letter to all of your loser friends, and everything will be okay.

——————————–Chain Letter Type 4:

As if you care, here is a poem that I wrote. Send it to every one of your friends.

Friends

A friend is someone who is always at your side,
A friend is someone who likes you even though you stink of shit, and your breath smells like you’ve been eating catfood,
A friend is someone who likes you even though you’re as ugly as a hat full of assholes,
A friend is someone who cleans up for you after you’ve soiled yourself,
A friend is someone who stays with you all night while you cry about your sad, sad life,
A friend is someone who pretends they like you when they really think you should be raped by mad chimpanzees, then thrown to vicious dogs,
A friend is someone who scrubs your toilet, vacuums and then gets the check and leaves and doesn’t speak much English…* no, sorry that’s the cleaning lady,
A friend is not someone who sends you chain letters because he wants his wish of being rich to come true.

Now pass this on! If you don’t, you’ll never have sex ever again.

——————————————————

The point being?

If you get some chain letter that’s threatening to leave you shagless or luckless for the rest of your life, delete it. If it’s funny, send it on. If your not sure if it real or not… check on the net… go to http://www.urbanlegends.com/ to check.. they have every piece of crap ever sent out on the net there… and the truth behind them.

Don’t piss people off by making them feel GUILTY about a leper in Botswana with no teeth, who’s been tied to a dead elephant for 27 years, whose only saviour is the 5 cents per letter he’ll receive if you forward this mail, otherwise you’ll end up like Miranda. Right?

Ok ok… i said i would never do this… but after last nights internet meeting.. i think its a must…
 
The following story is by far.. one of the worst expereinces I have ever had in meeting someone off the internet…
 
So i meet this guy who we will call… Fred… :) at kelsey last night…  We had talked online for a bit… he seems rather intellegent.. decent high tech job…. send me some "body model" pics of his great physic… the boy works out…. and it shows… So we decide to meet for dinner…
 
First impression? the guy LIVES to work out…. his body is not proptioned… he has this MASSIVE upper body… and little itty bitty head…  little itty bitty legs…. Looks… odd.. but whatever… we go inside… he tries to pick something from the menu… he has a hard time with it…. starts swearing.. yes… swearing..
 
Finally he settles on fajitas…. every third word out of this guys mouth.. is a swear word…. he proceeds to tell me about his eatting and work out routines… which… go to about 9 every night of the week.. ehehhe i laugh…. there is nothing with this guy… even on a friendly level.. i just want out of here…
 
Food comes…he’s still swearing away… he eats EVERYTHING on the plate.. even the little bowls that the toppings come in…. scarfing it down….  I’m like uhhh should you be eatting that sourcream?? "Oh yeah yeah.. i eat it all the time"..
 
He finishes…. makes this odd face… and then says "im going to pay for that later…. ohhhh i’m going to pay for it now…" Stands up… takes two steps.. and throws up…all over the floor….  heheheh runs into the bathroom and is gone for about 10 mins…  continuing to throw up i assume…
 
My girlfriend is in the resturant .. so not quite sure what to do… i go laugh and talk to her for a bit….  he finally comes back.. acts all cool.. pays for the food.. and i say uhh yeah… feel better… and leave.. :)
 
I couldnt stop laughing…. it was horrible.. i ALMOST felt bad for the guy except he was being such a pompus dick wad….. guys? no need to be somethign your not… dont eat the sour cream… if you dont eat sour cream… :D
 
heheheheh

Boobs? Yeah right

Posted: February 11, 2006 in Rants and Thoughts
 
Men pretend to be fascinated with boobs…
 
its the biggest joke of the century….. Ask a guy.. his HONEST fav body part on a girl or more specifically there would be girlfriend.. and 98% will say ass, legs or hips before they will say boobs…
 
Now ask the same guy when he’s with a group of guys.. and he will say boobs…
 
Most TRUE boob guys are already in long term relationships with some short fat chick with massive boobs.. because thats the best they thought they could get… :)
 
Girls with small boobs want to be bigger… and for no point…  most guys want tight asses before Big boobs anyway..
 
i assure you
Someone sent me this…. dear goodness… what is this world coming to…. can you people BE THIS STUPID?



>
>Hey it is Andy and John the directors of MSN, sorry for the
>interruption but
>msn is closing down. this is because too many inconsiderate people
>are taking up all the name (eg making up lots of different accounts
>for just
>one person), we only have 578 names left. If you would like to close
>your
>account, DO NOT SEND THIS MESSAGE ON. If you would like to keep your
>account, then SEND THIS MESSAGE TO EVERYONE ON YOUR CONTACT LIST.
>This is
>no joke, we will be shutting down the servers. Send it on, thanks.
>WHO
>EVER DOES NOT SEND THIS MESSEAGE, YOUR ACCOUNT WILL BE CLOSED AND
>YOU WILL
>COST 10.00 A MONTH TO USE. SEND THIS TO EVERYONE ON YOUR CONTACT
>LIST. NOW
>YOU KNOW WHAT TO DO. PLEASE DO NOT FORWARD THIS or REPLAY. COPY THE
>WHOLE
>EMAIL. GO BACK TO YOUR INBOX AND CLICK ON NEW. AND PASTE THANK YOU
>FOR YOUR
>ATTENTION
Continued…
 
MR "IM TOO GOOD FOR ONLINE DATING" ..henceforth known as MR ITGFOD
They spend an entire profile mocking the questions they’re being asked… they think they’re saving face by not playing the game, as if they’re perhaps, better than you? HEY guess what.. I AM putting in the time, effort, into doing the online dating thing. I am past the embarrassment, past the confusion, and committed to finding a MAN ONLINE. And MR ITGFOD punk is trying to get by with smartass half-phrases that assume we’ve already known him for years, WE get his sense of humour, and we’re on the same mental page.
 
Lines like this flow from this winner.. "Let’s skip the formalities (like getting to know each other) and just have lots of sex. You know I’m the best there is because I’ve already told you. That is, of course, ALL I’ve told you."
MR ITGFOD continues…"Furthermore, for you to request more information implies that you don’t TRUST me. What’s your problem with trust? How dare you ask me for more information when I already told you I’m great? Why do you need cross-references? Why insist on phone, instant messaging and e-mail conversation when we can just meet? Were you hurt in the past?" *sigh*
 
 
SECRET AGENT MAN
Guys who have nothing descriptive in their profiles. Zero information. Usually something like.. "if you want to get to know me ask.. or I will fill this out later… Or Im not good at writing about myself.." WHo the frig IS good at writing about themselves… tell me about a week in the life of you.. tell me about your dog.. The fact you LOVE double stuffed Oreos and ONLY drink them with 2 percent milk… cause maybe i do too.. and now we have SOMETHING to work with…
 
I was once contacted by one such Secret agent man fellow.. who did not post a photo and added to this offense by stating under "reasons to know me": You will like my photo. YOU will like my photo. Note that "YOU" means anyone who is reading this profile. How does he know? Maybe I like fat, balding men with a gut hanging over their pants. And even more notably, maybe I DON’T.
 
On a side not.. Why does every guy state that he’s good looking without posting a photo, and without fail, when I receive the highly prized photo, Mr boy is at best average, and not "hot" as implied by the profile? Apparently, according to the male species, if they have both eyes, all teeth, and no immediately noticable deformities, they cut a pretty striking figure. Hair is also apparently a major plus. If they have it, they rank themselves with Fabio. If they don’t, they rank themselves with Sean Connery. In either case, they expect booty.
 
Or those winners who say "I dont want people I work with to see me ONLINE.. I’M IMPORTANT".. Youch.. cause i LOVE the idea of MY co-workers seeing me online. uhh. .. Oh.. wait a min.. if my COWORKER sees me online.. they arent THEY ONLINE TOO?? Frig.. How embarassing they are doing the same thing as me.. We’ll have to have ackward glances at each other by the water cooler…
 
Get over it and get over yourself.
 
 
 
Hi people reading my blog… Im not going to lie.. Ive been online and met alot of people from online dating for along time.. In fact if your on my msn.. and your reading this.. i met you online didint i? :) Based on this.. i have developed the following …
 
Dreamgeeks guide to online dating
 
Instigator
These are my favorite… Even though they message you..  They only have nasty mean things to say… This could be general negative comments about your profile ("Well aren’t you little miss snobby") to something much more personal. ("You look like a total whore in your picture") to your looks ("You have the ugliest hair.. go back to bed frankentstien").. The first thought that always comes to my mind… This person although fully lacking moms lectures on manners spent valuable time and sometimes money to tell me these things…  That means one of a few things…
 
1) He’s actually interested in you and is completely twisted;
2) you remind him of his ex;
3) He’s thirteen (yes, EVEN THOUGH his profile says he’s 27 and is a doctor who went to Ottawa U).
 
In any case, what idiot boy is doing is challenging me to write back.. because the majority of women have probably ignored him online.. and some attention is better than no attention… I generally response with an extreamly poliet .. well this isnt going anywhere Goodluck with things.. block delete.. or sometimes…
 
 
Mr Pathetic…aka the "nice guy"
They love to shower you in compliments.. Tell you how beautiful you are and how much out of the league.. Those guys guys who live 500miles away fall here too.. No offence.. but NO THANKS!
 
What’s wrong with Nice Guys? The biggest problem is that most Nice Guys are hideously insecure. They are so anxious to be liked and loved that they do things for other people to gain acceptance and attention, rather than for the simply pleasure of giving. You never know if Mr Nice Guy really likes me for who I am, or if he has leeched onto me out of desperation because I actually paid some kind of attention to him.
 
They are so desperate to please that they put aside their own needs, and place the object of their desire on a
pedestal. Instead of appreciating her, they worship her. I am only human, and pedestals are narrow, confining places to be — not to mention the fact that I tend to fall off of them. 
 
To be continued… please post your comments.. :)